


Callie Torres and the Gay Freakout

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More like gay panic at the disco, baby, courtesy of Addison's intuition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Callie Torres and the Gay Freakout

It has to be said — she reeks of man-sweat and looks the way she does — so Callie flat out says it.

“I fucked Mark,” Callie says, wearing her clothes from the bar last night. “I fucked Mark because I kind of want to fuck you.”

Erica raises an eyebrow. “You kind of want to fuck me, so you go for the walking hard-on to prove something?” she asks. “Sorry, that’s…”

“I’m not gay!” Callie shouts. “You are secretly making me gay somehow.”

“Despite what the right-wing religious assholes tell you, lesbians don’t have magical gay rays that convert straight girls,” Erica said. “Otherwise, Tina Fey would be the gayest lesbian in the entire universe and there would be knife fights in the street for her.”

Callie cracks up for half a second, because that is so the truth, but then realizes that Erica is using her secret powers on her. Because sure, Mark knows how to find the clitoris, so it was a good time and all, but damn it. Callie spent the whole sweaty humping time thinking that she was being really stupid for having sex with Mark to prove she was straight.

Also that Addison had asked her in the stupidest possible way if she was hooking up with Erica. ‘Go all Vagina Monologues?’ Seriously, what was that? What the hell was that? The perfect good word ‘lesbian’ was still legal to use, unless those crazy Greek people won their nuisance lawsuit, and whatever to that.

Oh, also, hell. Erica had just admitted that she was a lesbian. Addison had gotten it sort of right. Kinda sorta maybe.

Addison should have just stayed in LA. Seriously.

“You know, I was married. I was going to have a baby before you showed up and everything went right to hell,” Callie says, starting to pace. Man, she has beard burn on her thighs. If she’d had sex with Erica, she could have gotten oral without beard burn.

Okay, if Callie is serious about not being gay, she needs to stop thinking about Erica giving her head.

“Gosh, because no lesbian has ever been married or wanted a baby before in the history of the world. And for a medical doctor, you are remarkably myopic about the existence of bisexuality,” Erica says, folding her arms.

“Okay, so you’re admitting that you think I’m into you and vice versa,” Callie says. “I thought you didn’t have a personal life at the work. That’s why I liked you. There was no drama at your club. Well, except for your weird issues with Yang, but whatever, she sometimes tries too hard.”

Erica’s nostrils were kind of flaring and she looked so pissed. “I don’t see where the drama at my club is, Callie,” she snaps.

“Okay, you’re a girl. I’m a girl. You’re into me. That’s massive drama. That’s Yang and Grey drama,” Callie replies, and she may be gesturing emphatically as she does it.

“Why the hell is that massive drama? That only has to be massive drama if you broadcast to the entire hospital that you had sex with Sloan to de-gay yourself!” Erica yells. “Which, by the way, is so freaking gay that I cannot even believe it.”

Callie draws herself, because oh no she didn’t. “Excuse me?” she asks.

“Every lesbian in the history of the world — including me, for your information — has a gay freakout,” Erica says, her voice dropping to a more reasonable level. “They then pick the most hetero, hairy man in the room, screw him silly to prove their straightness, and then suddenly, oops, not so straight.”

Fuck.

Fuck!

That sounds exactly like what just happened, down to the not-so-straight part, because Callie is just like, so ashamed of herself, and so mad at Erica, and so mad at Mark for always, always trying to get some and being available, and at Addison for like, ruining her gay denial.

Also she’s mad at the goddamn residents, because hey, why can’t Yang and Grey be the ones having a secret tawdry lesbian thing?

“Fuck,” Callie says. “Well, even if it’s true, that doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex.”

Except that’s totally what is on Callie’s mind. Having sex with Erica. It has been on Callie’s mind since Addison made it live there, the idea of being with Erica.

And so help her, the first thing Callie had thought before her gay freakout was that Erica had better taste in music and wine than any of her boyfriends or husbands ever, and was a hell of a lot more fun to dance with.

And now Erica looks like the light has just dimmed right out of her eyes. Which is Callie’s fault. Callie’s tired of doing that to people.

Especially people like Erica, who she cares about. Even if that is totally lesbian.

“Shit, that was um, unnecessarily harsh,” Callie says, because Erica is staring at her with that sad look on her face. “That was like, the stupidest thing I’ve said and I announced to everyone I fucked Mark.”

Erica swallows. “I was going to say, um,” and she just keeps looking at Callie. “I hate this hospital. I swore I was above the drama, but it gets you. One minute, you’re being really discreet about trying to nudge someone into being open-minded about more than friends, the next minute…”

Callie feels her face flush. Oh, it’s all true. Every last bit of Addison’s intuition was dead on the money and now she wishes there didn’t have to be a Mark-sized speed bump and that they could have gone with Erica’s idea about discretion and not being drama at the club.

“I wonder if Yang will offer to eat you out if you put her on more surgeries,” Callie says, totally not thinking about what she just said until she hears herself say it.

Erica’s mouth just drops open. Every nurse in earshot who has been pretending not to listen? Their mouths are all open, too. Mark, who is hiding in the on-call room naked and listening to all the drama so he can needle Shepherd with it later, is probably gaping.

And then Erica puts her hands over her face and shrieks with laughter. She’s shaking, that’s how hard Erica is laughing.

Callie realizes after a second that she’s laughing too, and they’re probably both hysterical.

Finally, Erica surfaces, and she points her index finger right at Callie. It’s shaking convulsively and Erica is biting on her lips to keep from laughing or speaking, Callie’s not sure which.

“You owe me a date,” Erica finally growls. “A really, really lesbian date. For that. Because. Because. Because. _No._ ”

“I accept that as a fair price,” Callie agrees. “So, the usual, but with more Melissa Etheridge and maybe a flannel. I can do that. Tonight after our shift, okay?”

“Yes. Okay. Yes,” Erica says.

Everyone is staring at them. Callie isn’t sure what to do. Erica is clearly not sure what to do. It’s possible that the spontaneous drama will cause the hospital to explode, but thank the baby Jesus, Miranda stamps into the area.

“What the hell is going on?” she asks.

“Dr. Torres and I were discussing a few issues. Things got somewhat heated,” Erica says, recovering her composure.

Miranda just snorts and gives her the _white people_ look. Then she looks at Torres and gives her the _don’t think you aren’t an honorary white person today, because you are and you know it_ glance of doom.

“I’m sure that’s true,” Miranda says politely. “Dr. Torres, they need you in the pit. Dr. Hahn, Yang has those films you needed.”

The drama breaks up easy as that, except that when Callie brushes by Erica, she reaches out and touches her hand.

“After your shift, okay?” Callie says.

“Sure,” Erica says, back to business.

But then she turns away and smiles.

And Callie is pretty sure that it’s because of her.

Which turns out feels good, even if it’s a girl who feels that way because of you.

Oh, she is _so gay_ for Erica.

Damn.


End file.
